Being “Comfortable” and Settling for LESS versus TRUE Love, Peace & Joy….
October 17, 2009
When I was younger and found myself in circumstances beyond my control (poverty, social inequity. . . .you name it, I lived it), the only way that I was able to change those circumstances was through absolutely pushing through the walls that had been put in my way. I never knew words like “can’t” or “won’t”. And no matter what, I kept trying until something changed. Telling me “no” was the best way to assure that I’d find a way to do it, anyway. That’s how I escaped all the risks of my circumstances. Well, that’s not entirely true. At the core of my ability to have such drive was my solid faith that I wasn’t my circumstances. I wasn’t just a mere statistic. I wasn’t a stereotype. My life was mean for a greater purpose than that.
We’ve all had a time in our lives when we seemed invincible. When everything considered a challenge could be pushed aside by the sheer force of our will. Glory days, these were. And when we think about our own individual histories we remember them well.
But years later, somewhere along the way we get complacent. Things aren’t so bad and we don’t have to work so hard. The laziness and sense of entitlement that comes with age settles in. We lose the fire-in-the-belly that kept us afloat when there was nothing else to believe in. We begin to rely on others to make the way for us and simply don’t put ourselves out there the way we used to, hungry and wanting, in order to change our circumstances. We wonder WHY we feel anchored in a location where we simply DON’T want to be.
And we look everywhere for answers but within.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about life. Not just the essential obviousness of it, but what I can do to improve upon how I live today–right here and right now. So it should come as no surprise that I’m looking at the life I have and comparing it to the life I’d always imagined for myself. And you know what? Based on that comparison I’ve not lived up to expectations. I’ve chosen a life of caution over a life of abundance, and it’s resulted in a sense of isolation that is of my doing, albeit not of my desire.
When I realized that, I began wondering how I found myself here. It didn’t take a lot of soul searching to find the answer: I’ve lost my mojo.
For me, my mojo is that thing that always made me ask “why not” instead of “why”? It’s that totally irrational belief that I could do anything even when people and circumstances told me I couldn’t. It’s the power within that puts me center stage when I’d rather hang in the wings. It’s the common sense that reminds me that I have to make a decision and act when I’d prefer to procrastinate and leave action to others . It’s everything and anything that has given me hope and allowed me to dwell in the realm of possibility rather than on the island of inaction.
When did I lose it? How could I have been so foolish as to let it go? I’ve no idea. I wish I did. But one thing is certain, I’ve got to get it back if I want even a chance to live my remaining years much like I lived my life-affirming ones: with bravado, urgency, desire and an unerring faith that my life is about living and not simply existing.
When I get my mojo back I know that my journey will continue as intended. I won’t spend so much time questioning things; I’ll be too busy living life to let the “Doubting Thomas” in me take control. When I get it back I’ll push myself forward when I’d rather stand in the background. I’ll turn every “no” into a “yes” and hurdle every obstacle instead of trying to find the easiest way around them. And I’m certain, when I do get it back, that I’ll change my current and future circumstances as well as my general outlook, resulting in the renewed embrace of a truth I know all too well: This ain’t no dress rehearsal. I get only one life to live and it’s up to me to live it well, and do well by how I live it. I love You Babe Always!!!
(Note: HAPPY BDay CGR….I can only hope UR finally working on getting your “swag” back 
…loveU)
